All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don’ts

Take off some clothes (but not too many clothes) and have some fun (but not too much fun). Behold the crazy cocktail that ensues when you mix up sun and freedom!
By Emma Rosenblum

We are so over last winter. That’s right: OVER IT! From the record-breaking Snowpocalypse that grounded a bajillion flights, to the dead birds falling from the sky, to the horrible flu season and the fact that our government was thisclose to shutting down: We’d like to put that time, once and for all, out of our collective memory. And it’s only right that we, as a nation, reward ourselves for getting through. After World War I came the decadence of the Roaring Twenties; the repressed fifties gave way to the craziness of free love. So what’s our follow-up to the misery of early 2011? We’re looking forward to one seriously capital-R Relaxing summer, filled with warm, idle afternoons, tasty margaritas and so many barbecues that we’ll never want to look at a hot dog again. We’ll be flirting in flip-flops and finally—finally!—feeling the sun on our legs (which, we admit, haven’t been shaved since February—so sue us). But readers, a small note of caution before embarking on your summer fun: There’s a fine line between partying like a rock star and partying like a reality star. So get tan safely (fakely!) but not JWoww orange; get tipsy but not David Hasselhoff falling-down drunk; and put on a bikini, but make sure it covers the entirety of your cute butt. Most important: Enjoy yourselves! Because, before you know it, we’ll all be back in our parkas, shivering our way into 2012.

Do stand out in neon like AnnaLynne McCord.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Actress AnnaLynne McCord in fuchsia ruffled bikini \\ Photo: Bauergriffinonline.com
 

Do wear a crisp white suit. (But do a see-through test first…just in case!)

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Woman in a white string bikini \\ Photo: Ronnie Andren
 

Do sport cool shades.
This guy’s dancing to the beat of his own…fruit?

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Man with tattoo's wearing white shorts and white rimmed sunglasses \\ Photo: Ronnie Andren
 

Don’t wear coordinating neon breast bands.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ A woman wearing a pink and green neon strapped top with a black belt and pink sunglasses \\ Photo: Ronnie Andren
 

Do rock the big-earrings-with-a-bikini look à la Kim Kardashian.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Kim Kardashian in a nude bikini top and hoop earrings while holding a drink \\ Photo: Splash News
 

Do play like a kid. Model Behati Prinsloo gives Chanel Iman a friendly lift.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Models Behati Prinsloo and Chanel Iman \\ Photo: WENN

Do bust a beachy move, like Amy Poehler and Snooki…

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Actress Amy Poehler streching her arms; Snooki dancing in animal print bikini, black top and animal print hat \\ Poehler: John Calebrese/Martin Grimes/PacificCoastNews.com, Snooki: MRO/Splash News

Summer Don’t: The Boob-Grab
Women of America, stop touching yourselves! Your breasts are still there, we promise.

This new, mysterious practice spans both celebrities and the rest of us. What’s next: the self-nipple twist? Ouch.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Woman in one-shoulder top; woman in white top, dark sunglasses and black fedora \\ Photos: Ronnie Andren
 

Um, No: Bikinis at Night
What—an LBD wasn’t little enough, girls? This underdressed look is a Don’t, say 73 percent of readers. (Someone lend the other 27 percent a cardigan, stat!)

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Group of woman walking in bikini top and mini-skirts at night \\ Photo: Ronnie Andren
 

The Dos & Don’ts of Beach Behavior
Gonzalo Miranda has been a lifeguard for 17 years in party spots like Miami and Hollywood, Florida. Learn from the man who’s seen it all—and then some.
DO bring your body confidence. “I see girls wearing long shorts to cover up their figure, but you don’t need to hide! And you definitely don’t need that horrible tan line.”
DON’T take the confidence too far. “We have a lot of topless girls on the beach in Miami. It’s funny because they can’t stand when people stare at them. Of course men are going to stare and maybe even snap a picture. If you take your top off, you’re asking for that!”
DO keep the beer off the beach. “I have to deal with people drinking too much and fainting, or getting in fights and hitting police officers. The beach is a dangerous place; you can go into the water and slip and fall and drown. It’s a bad idea.”
DON’T go overboard with the PDA. “Lots of couples hug and kiss on the beach, but it’s definitely a Don’t to go further than that. Sometimes I see people go into the water, and…I’m not going to stare at them while they’re doing their business, but there are kids around!”
—Jessica Duncan

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Lifeguard Gonzalo Miranda \\ Photo: Ronnie Andren
 

The Dos & Don’ts of Guys at the Beach
A lot go the classic route—swim trunks, T-shirt, done—but more and more men are getting, um, creative with their vacation attire.

Twelve hours later, that necklace will have created one funky tan line.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Kid Rock in black board shorts and chain around his neck \\ Photo: Bauergriffinonline.com
 

The Dos & Don’ts of Guys at the Beach
Gerard Butler in the official beach maniform

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Actor Gerard Butler in shorts and white t-shirt \\ Photo: Splash News
 

The Dos & Don’ts of Guys at the Beach
Boas have their place, and that place is not the beach.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Young man in pink shorts and white feather boa \\ Photo: Ronnie Andren
 

The Dos & Don’ts of Guys at the Beach
Zac Efron goes topless (the hunky-guy way).

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Actor Zac Efron in camouflage board shorts \\ Photo: Splash News
 

The Dos & Don’ts of Guys at the Beach
We’re pretty sure actual superheroes wouldn’t be caught dead in these.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Men wearing superheroes brief swimsuits \ Photo: Ronnie Andren
 

The Dos & Don’ts of Guys at the Beach
Confident and covered up. It can be done!

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Man in white t-shirt that says 'I love me' and shorts \\ Photo: Ronnie Andren

Supercute Couple Alert
No, we’re not talking about Beyonce and Jay-Z—we mean these adorable mom-and-kid combos. And everyone’s in a hat: smart!

Benjamin and mom Gisele Bündchen
The little Brady is effortlessly chic like his mom, in Miami.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Supermodel Gisele Bündchen in jean cut-off shorts and white shirt holding her son Benjamin \\ Photo: Kadena Pix/Bauergriffinonline.com
 

Supercute Couple Alert
Nahla and mom Halle Berry
California girls gettin’ their ocean on in Malibu.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Actress Halle Berry walking in the beach with daughter Nahla \\ Photo: Splash News

Louis and mom Sandra Bullock
Majorly cuddly, painfully cute on the island of Anguilla.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Actress Sandra Bullock holding son Louis and standing on the island of Anguilla \\ Photo: SDFL/Islandpaps/Splash News

Five Definite Summer Dos
We love gawking at outrageous Don’ts as much as the next gal, but if you want to be a Do, these five trusty trends always look right:
1. Big, floppy hats: Practical glamour. What’s not to love?
2. Sweet sundresses: No matter your shape, these cover-ups are flattering, flirty and fun.
3. Big shades: Admit it—you feel a little bit like a celebrity when you’re rocking a great pair.
4. Beach-dried hair: In winter, it takes about five products to look like this.
5. Bright nail polish: Instant happiness right at your fingertips.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Woman in turquoise bikini and floppy hat \\ Photo: WENN.com
 

…And 30 More Summer Don’ts
Recite them with us, dear readers. Because you know it drives you crazy when you see:

Bathing suits that are…
1. See-through
2. Saggy
3. Ripped
4. Too small
5. Too big
6. Too bare (thongs, we’re looking at you…even though we don’t want to)
7. Too high up on your breasts (hey there, underboob!)
8. Too low down on your butt (nice to see you, plumber’s crack!)
9. Not actually waterproof
10. Choking you

Summer styles like…
11. Extra, extra cleavage
12. Skirts that graze your crotch
13. Sunglasses that swallow your head
14. Midriff-baring shirts
15. Breast-squeezing tanks
16. Underwear as outerwear
17. Ten-gallon hats
18. Butt-exposing cutoffs (no, your tush shouldn’t feel the breeze)
19. Winter coats over bathing suits
20. Scarves when it’s 100 degrees out

Beach behavior like…
21. Drinking and swimming
22. Drinking and tanning/burning
23. Drinking and making sand angels (unless you’re into sand everywhere)
24. Drinking and flashing your breasts
25. Drinking and flashing your butt
26. Being sober and flashing your breasts and/or butt
27. Gratuitous PDA (extra demerits if you’re doing it in a thong)
28. Bothering families with kids
29. Bothering people without kids
30. Bothering us

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Women in thong bikinis \\ Photo: Ronnie Andren
 
 

Verging on Don’t-y: Vests
Meet the cover-up that doesn’t really cover up. When it’s done loose and comfy, we’re all for it. But boob-suffocating or macrame? No, no, no!

Do wear a breezy, summery vest, like Malin Akerman.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Actress Malin Akerman in a black bikini top, black hat, black shorts and yellow cover-up \\ Photos: Winning/WENN.com, Ronnie Andren

Hmm…Lace to the Beach?
Bikinis look like underwear, but you wouldn’t actually wear the lacy stuff in the water, right?

Do try a cover-up like Chloe Sevigny’s, fit for the bedroom or beach.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Chloe Sevigny in black bikini and white cover-up; woman in fuchsia two-piece swimsuit \\ Photos: Ronnie Andren

Flag Outfits: Do or Don’t?
Prints are in, and what better way to celebrate your fashion independence, right? But careful, ladies—there’s such a thing as too much patriotism.

Do(ish)
Matchy overkill? Maybe. But the button-down is cute.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Woman in white pants, American flag shirt and red jacket \\ Photo: Jacopo Raule/Getty Images

Flag Outfits: Do or Don’t?
Don’t
We’re all for being cheeky, but not like this!

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Woman in American flag shorts and black bikini top \\ Photo: Ronnie Andren
 

Flag Outfits: Do or Don’t?
Do
Aviators and the flag: a combo more classic than PB&J.

"All-Time Best Summer Dos & Don'ts" \\ Woman in white shorts, American flag top and aviator sunglasses \\ Photo: Ronnie Andren
 
 
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July 18, 2011. July.

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